shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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