Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She said her name was "party"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
