where does the pee come out of this thing
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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