I seem to have left my pride at pride
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
