Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
