just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the day after is always just damage control
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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