Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
