Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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