wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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