I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize