Screwed.edu
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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