is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
