I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
