You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
