Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
