dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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