Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
