very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
