you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
