Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
