I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
