Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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