I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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