What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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