some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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