i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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