It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
