Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
