should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
