am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
