Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
