I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
