maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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