dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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