just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
