I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
