So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
