I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
