Define "chronic" masturbator.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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