I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
