I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
