so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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