Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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