Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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