you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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