The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
