we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
