I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i believe in u and ur pee
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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