if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
