lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
