i just wanna soil my oats bro
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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