Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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