Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
