Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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