did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will be naked everywhere
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
