Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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