I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
