she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
