I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
