Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The Olympian is in my bed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
