I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
