If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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