well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
