im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
