So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
