yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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