i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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