id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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