note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
