What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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