The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
