they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
