sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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There r osticjed everywhere
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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