i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
