You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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