there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
