i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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